So there have been some new things in our lives lately…we’d like to introduce you to the a new Little Fine!
Elias is now eight weeks old and we love him more than we imagined possible. He is opening our eyes to a whole new world: a world in which coos and gurgles are conversations, poopy diapers are things to be proud of, and sleep is…wait, what is sleep, again?
We thank God for this precious life!
Lovely Fall
Today is my fifth day of being sick with a sinus infection — my second one of the school year. Ah, school germs. Keane has been a stellar caretaker, especially considering I am a huge baby when it comes to being sick.
The upside to all of this, of course, is that being sick has offered me some time to reflect on the year so far, as well as process the sad things happening in Europe right now. The news coming out of Paris has, of course, impacted everyone here. Some of our students grew up in Paris. Others grew up in countries where this kind of violence is nearly normal, yet to see it happening here, in a place they felt was so safe, is another thing entirely. Our entire junior class was in Paris just six weeks ago. It’s only a five-and-a-half-hour drive from here — shorter than the distance from Chicago to Minneapolis.
In the midst of it all, “normal” life carries on. (Isn’t it strange how that happens? Sometimes I wish all of life would just stop for a while, just to pay a little homage to the things we are going through.) We attended the high school play on Saturday, based on Agatha Christie’s A Murder is Announced. The actors were amazing, the show was a perfect blend of eery and hilarious, and two of my small group girls were the best stage crew members in the world (in my opinion). Christmas Banquet is less than two weeks away, so it’s pretty typical to see guys walking around school with roses, or balloons, or whatever props they need to ask girls to banquet. (I once saw a guy carrying an entire cake. Not even kidding.)
Keane and I have been taking German language classes twice a week this semester. The classes are great in a slightly-humiliating sort of way, but German isn’t really easy for anyone. Our teacher is the most patient person I have ever met. Our German accents are truly abysmal, but she keeps working with us, in spite of the fact that our German must be sandpaper on her ears.
The year has been flying by. After today, we have 20 more school days until Christmas break. Autumn finally seems to be over. The colors were amazing this year, vibrant yellows and rich reds, but now the trees are pretty much bare. The temperatures have been cool enough that our California friends have already said this is the coldest winter they’ve ever experienced.
I am not missing the Chicago winter, but I find that I am missing most other things. One of the things we have shared with people over the course of this semester is that we have committed to being at BFA for a third year. It’s a good decision, the right one. We know we’re supposed to be here. But almost as soon as we made it, deep homesickness set in. I miss friends, mostly. I miss being part of events that have become traditions, like birthday celebrations with my closest friends that always, always involve sushi. I miss hearing significant news firsthand, and watching friends progress through relationships, and drinking coffee with people I love. I miss the ease of talking with people within a greater community — like the cashier at the grocery store, or the bank teller, or the person you run past on the Prairie Path. A few words exchanged, that’s all, but it’s a small piece of belonging to a community. I’m working on that here, but it will never be easy. (I did, however, call and make myself a doctor’s appointment yesterday entirely in German. I’m ignoring how simple the phone call actually was and am celebrating the little things.) I think this kind of homesickness is really normal. We’re out of the honeymoon phase and now we’re living regular life. I’ve talked with others who have felt this way. And also, I don’t think this homesickness is a bad thing. If I’m being honest, my TCK heart never really felt at home back in Chicago. It’s the best kind of surprise to realize that I miss it, that it feels more like home than I ever thought it could.
Can I just say, though, that in the midst of all of this — the good, the bad, and the ugly of living in this place, at this time — I love how we are being changed. I am not a huge fan of change in general, but the change I am talking about here is the kind that Paul talks about when he says we are being changed into the likeness of Christ. We are shaped by the things we are going through, whether happy things like Christmas banquet, or the more devastating things that happen in life. Choosing to be changed toward Christ and into Christ, though…there’s so much joy in that. It is not always easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but it is something I am learning about and pondering these days.
Love you, friends. I think it’s time for me to take another nap.
Love, Sarah
It just blows my mind away when I think that this school year is nearly over. We have 23 instructional days left (that’s what the seniors tell me…they’re the ones who are counting!), plus a few days of final exams, and then our first year at BFA will draw to a close. The time has flown, not in the normal time-flies-when-you’re-having-fun sort of way, although this year has been fun. No, this year has been a whirl of change and excitement and frustration and enormous amounts of mental energy as we have tried to acclimate to a completely new environment. People throughout the year have asked, “Do you feel settled in yet?” Every time they ask, I answer with, “I think so.” Yet as each person asks, and as I give the same answer, I realize that what felt like being “settled in” two or three months ago really wasn’t. It’s not until you’ve emerged from the haze of culture shock that you can even appreciate what you’ve just gone through.
It finally, finally feels like we have reached a true state of settled in-ness here in Kandern. I can tell that it has because, finally, I feel like normal things are achievable again. I’ve been doing things like exercising and actually planning what we will eat for an entire week and studying German. I know those might sound silly, but honestly, before spring break, I couldn’t even begin to imagine fitting exercise into part of my day. That’s part of the process of experiencing so much change: At first you will feel like you aren’t capable of anything anymore, and that feeling lasts way longer than you think it should. But I promise you, the new normal will arrive. It’s a relief to finally feel this way, although life isn’t suddenly and perfectly put together. Now that the stress has settled into calm, I find that I actually have more mental capacity to think about life. To be honest, the absence of all that culture shock has left a bit of a hole in me, and now that I’m feeling all calm and settled, I’m also feeling…lonely. It’s hit both Keane and I in the last couple of weeks. We’re finally at a place where it would actually be feasible for us to spend time with people and invite friends over and it wouldn’t be completely overwhelming…and here we are, at the end of the year, when people are in all different stages of coming and going and working through their own adjustments. I think this just comes with the territory of being a first-year worker here, but suffice it to say, we are really looking forward to being returning staff next year. 🙂
In spite of some of that loneliness stuff, our time since spring break has actually been really rich, especially when it comes to our kids. Keane created a HUGE scavenger hunt type of game for his small group, which they are about halfway through figuring out right now. I’ve been able to spend some one-on-one time with my small group girls, whom I love so fiercely that it sort of takes me by surprise sometimes. I have the huge privilege of walking them through some heavy topics during the next few weeks of small group. It is so wonderful to be in a place where we can talk about struggles and hurts and injustices, and then point each other to Jesus Christ.
Well, I didn’t actually write about most of the things I wanted to share with you in this blog post, like some fun German vocabulary and our plans for this summer. Oops! Well, I guess that means I will have to write again soon. 🙂 If you’re reading this, know that we love you!
We feel bad when we write too much about the more mundane parts of living in Germany…and yet those details are the things that can make or break one’s transition here! Adjusting to so many little changes hasn’t always been easy for us, but we’ve gotten some good laughs out of the process. (How can it be so hard to remember to do things the “German” way instead of what we would have done back home?!) After being here for almost six months, we’re finally getting the hang of things. So for our friends back home, and for our new co-workers who will be arriving in another six months, we give you…
Top 10 Little Things that Will Become BIG Things Once You Move Here
10. Life runs at a completely different pace in southwest Germany. We’ve found that things are run “by the book,” but the book itself is pretty different from what you are used to (also, it’s in German). For instance, most stores in our small town close each day at 5pm. They also close from 12-2pm each day for a lunch break. On Wednesdays, they don’t reopen after lunch at all. Some stores are open on Saturday mornings. Absolutely nothing is open on Sundays except restaurants, but then many restaurants close on Mondays for their Ruhetag (“day of rest”).
9. Restaurant etiquette: Waitstaff are fully paid employees in Germany, so leaving a tip isn’t necessary. Instead, when you get your bill, round up to the nearest euro. The waiter gets to keep the change, also known as “drink money.” Ordering tap water is really frowned upon in Europe and is only done by Americans who don’t know they’re not supposed to. Our advice? If you’re going to eat out here, mentally prepare yourself to fork over the money for a beverage, or don’t order a beverage at all.
8. Some driving laws here seem cray-cray. For the most part, you can get by with what you know of driving in the States, but the differences are extremely important to know. For instance, driver’s turning onto the road on your right always have the right of way. Yes, even if you are on a main road. You always assume that the driver on the right has the right of way if there is no sign stating otherwise. If they do not have the right of way, you will see a small sign in the shape of a yellow diamond indicating that you have the right of way. This system felt really backward to us when we first got here (I’m still getting used to it, actually), and it’s pretty important to know if you don’t want to end up in an accident.
7. Renting in Germany is extremely different than renting in the States. One of our favorite things about being renters in the States was having very little responsibility for the property itself. Dishwasher breaks? Call the landlord. Roof is leaking? Call the landlord. In Germany, the renter is typically responsible for everything: broken appliances, landscaping, snow removal, you name it. What if the broken item was the fault of the previous tenant? Too bad, so sad–you’re the current tenant, so you are now responsible. Keane and I are actually facing the possibility of needing to repair/replace our fridge pretty soon, which will definitely cost a few hundred euros at the minimum. It would be easy to compare this with what we’re used to in the States and feel really unhappy about it, but when things like this happen, it’s much better to remember that you’re in a different country with different rules. Don’t unfairly place your old expectations on a new environment. It’s part of the adventure!
6. Medical care here is fantastic, and the cost is even better! I went to my doctor with a sinus infection and forgot to bring my insurance card, so I just paid out of pocket and decided to submit it myself for reimbursement. The total cost of the visit without any private insurance was under 30 euros. The cost for two prescription medications without any private insurance was under 20 euros. Cha-ching!
5. Pedestrians always have the right of way when they are at a crosswalk. If you see someone even about to enter a crosswalk, you better hit the brakes.
4. I could literally write an entire blog series on recycling in Germany. Let’s just say that in our first four months of being here, we only produced between 5 and 10 gallons of actual garbage. And we only put our garbage out to be collected because it was starting to smell so foul; the can wasn’t even close to being full. Garbage collection costs money; everything else is free. We compost in the backyard. We return most plastic bottles to the grocery store for a pfand (deposit money). Everything else is taken to the Recyclinghof, which is open on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday mornings. That place is a sight to behold. I can’t even get into that right now.
3. Learn your greetings! People in this area are very friendly and polite. When you pass someone on the sidewalk, say hello. In waiting room at the doctor’s office, say hello to the room as a whole when you enter and goodbye when you leave. The same is true for small stores and bakeries. Always say hello and goodbye to the cashier at the grocery store. Saying goodbye (Tschüss) is one of my favorite things here. People don’t just say it; they practically sing it.
2. Stoss lueften. It’s German for “airing,” and it’s what you have to do to your house every. single. day. Houses here are really well made (read: airtight), but the climate in southwest Germany is extremely wet all year long, and combine this with the fact that the average human emits 2 to 4 liters of humidity on a daily basis, and you’ve got yourself a recipe for indoor mold! It’s a huge problem here; we’ve heard stories of people going away for several weeks, leaving their windows closed, and coming home to find their couch ruined by mold. The solution? Open windows wide in every room in the house for at least 10 minutes a day. Yes, even in the winter. In addition, open bathroom windows wide for at least 30 minutes after taking a shower. It’s pretty brutal to step out of the shower and immediately let in the icy winter air…but it’s still better than finding a mold colony in your apartment.
1. And finally, our number one piece of advice: Remember that this isn’t North America. We knew we were moving overseas, sure, but we were moving to Germany, not a third world country. In some ways, moving to a third world country would be easier to mentally prepare for; at least you would expect everything to be different/slower/uncomfortable/confusing. People tend to expect Germany to be an easier and more natural transition; those people then tend to become really disappointed, frustrated, and nonplussed when life here is harder than expected. (This happened to me last semester, and I’ve lived here before, for crying out loud.) So extend grace to Germany in the way you would extend grace to Zambia or China or Moldova. And extend grace to yourself when you get here and realize you accidentally kept some of the expectations you had tried really hard to shed.
P.S. I wanted to add that I really do think it is more difficult to move to one of the countries I mentioned and countless others. Moving to a place like Germany can be a walk in the park compared with a lot of other places. But hopefully the spirit of what I am trying to say makes sense…
