It just blows my mind away when I think that this school year is nearly over. We have 23 instructional days left (that’s what the seniors tell me…they’re the ones who are counting!), plus a few days of final exams, and then our first year at BFA will draw to a close. The time has flown, not in the normal time-flies-when-you’re-having-fun sort of way, although this year has been fun. No, this year has been a whirl of change and excitement and frustration and enormous amounts of mental energy as we have tried to acclimate to a completely new environment. People throughout the year have asked, “Do you feel settled in yet?” Every time they ask, I answer with, “I think so.” Yet as each person asks, and as I give the same answer, I realize that what felt like being “settled in” two or three months ago really wasn’t. It’s not until you’ve emerged from the haze of culture shock that you can even appreciate what you’ve just gone through.
It finally, finally feels like we have reached a true state of settled in-ness here in Kandern. I can tell that it has because, finally, I feel like normal things are achievable again. I’ve been doing things like exercising and actually planning what we will eat for an entire week and studying German. I know those might sound silly, but honestly, before spring break, I couldn’t even begin to imagine fitting exercise into part of my day. That’s part of the process of experiencing so much change: At first you will feel like you aren’t capable of anything anymore, and that feeling lasts way longer than you think it should. But I promise you, the new normal will arrive. It’s a relief to finally feel this way, although life isn’t suddenly and perfectly put together. Now that the stress has settled into calm, I find that I actually have more mental capacity to think about life. To be honest, the absence of all that culture shock has left a bit of a hole in me, and now that I’m feeling all calm and settled, I’m also feeling…lonely. It’s hit both Keane and I in the last couple of weeks. We’re finally at a place where it would actually be feasible for us to spend time with people and invite friends over and it wouldn’t be completely overwhelming…and here we are, at the end of the year, when people are in all different stages of coming and going and working through their own adjustments. I think this just comes with the territory of being a first-year worker here, but suffice it to say, we are really looking forward to being returning staff next year. 🙂
In spite of some of that loneliness stuff, our time since spring break has actually been really rich, especially when it comes to our kids. Keane created a HUGE scavenger hunt type of game for his small group, which they are about halfway through figuring out right now. I’ve been able to spend some one-on-one time with my small group girls, whom I love so fiercely that it sort of takes me by surprise sometimes. I have the huge privilege of walking them through some heavy topics during the next few weeks of small group. It is so wonderful to be in a place where we can talk about struggles and hurts and injustices, and then point each other to Jesus Christ.
Well, I didn’t actually write about most of the things I wanted to share with you in this blog post, like some fun German vocabulary and our plans for this summer. Oops! Well, I guess that means I will have to write again soon. 🙂 If you’re reading this, know that we love you!